It Does Not Do to Dwell on Dreams and Forget to Live ~ Albus Dumbledore

August has been a very busy month and this last Saturday was no exception to the standard. Early Saturday morning, Dean and I finished our third half marathon for the year - the Hobblecreek Half Marathon. It was a lovely run and beautiful scenery. To top it off, it was the best run of the year as half marathons go. In looking at my list of "39 Things" I have now surpassed my original goal to take 5 minutes off of my best half marathon time and I have taken 10 minutes off of my best time established prior to 2010. It was a wonderful feeling - I couldn't believe it. It was a good finish for both of us.

As we were driving home, I received a call. Realize, Dean and I have just both finished a 13.1 mile race in the heat - so we are hot, smelly and tired. The sound of taking on anything other than a nice cool shower just wasn't in our thought process. But my mind was quickly changed when I saw the call was coming from Birdman Academy (http://www.birdmanacademy.net/). The winds were perfect and it was time to hang glide (item 6 on "The 39 Things List"). Dean insisted that we could be there in 20 minutes. Going home first was not an option. So the second adventure of the day was about to "take flight."

We got to the flight location, I signed all of the proper release forms, received my 30 day license with the USHGPA and had a quick 20 minute instruction period. After that it was time to soar!




All I was supposed to do was - step, step, run, run, run. I was instructed to just keep running until the wind lifted us. As I was being strapped to the hang glider, the wind was so strong I could hardly hold my balance. In fact it took four grown men to hold the glider down. I asked my tandem instructor how I was supposed to engage in the step and run process he had taught me. He looked and me said "Don't worry we won't need that."




Sure enough the four men let go and with one step we were up!!! Looking around me I could see that I was truly soaring with the hawks at their level. We could see as these birds of prey entered a thermal, my tandem instructor would explain that we would enter that thermal as well. And sure enough, just like the magnificent birds of prey, we also experienced the up and down dip like a roller coaster without gravity holding me down - each time gaining a little more loft and continuous flight. The view was amazing. My ground crew suddenly looked like little ants on the hill side. It felt like I could see for miles.



I have been sky diving. But hang gliding and sky diving are very different. The ability to soar and glide with the birds was a new feeling and level of control. "We live in a wonderful world that is full beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open." ~~Jawaharlal Nehru

Thanks to all of the staff of the Birdman Academy and my husband for a wonderful adventure!

Catherine's Pass - Item 21 on the List

As the year progresses forward, I am slowly working my way down "the list." With each adventure, I find myself including family and friends into this journey - I love the company so I hope they don't mind that I drag them along for the ride.

The latest adventure was number 21 on "the list"- meaning that I was to hike from Big Cottonwood Canyon over to Little Cottonwood Canyon. For some reason climbing over a canyon seemed like such a daunting task that I wanted to be prepared. So as a family we have been taking practice hikes on the weekends. We have hiked up to Rocky Mouth Water Fall, Red Butte Peak, Titus Lake and Neff's Canyon. Last Saturday, my family, my brother and sister-in-law and Dean's brother and sister-in-law started out in the Albion Basin in Little Cottonwood Canyon.

What a beautiful hike . This area has such a history - according to the book 60 Hikes within 60 Miles it states the following:

"Silver mining brought William Stuart Brighton to the upper bowl of Big Cottonwood Canyon in the 1870s. But he soon realized that a better living could be made feeding and housing miners than in actually mining silver. After spending three summers in a tent, he built a hotel in 1874 near the shores of Silver Lake and soon developed the area into a popular mountain resort. His wife, Catherine, would serve the trout she had caught in Silver Lake with hot buttermilk biscuits. Big Cottonwood's upper bowl contains a beautiful chain of glacial lakes cascading down the southern side. In a fitting tribute, William Brighton named the jewel of the upper Big Cottonwood Canyon after his wife. Lake Catherine is a perfectly inviting place for a rest or a relaxing afternoon."

For our hiking adventure, the morning was cool and beautiful - perfect trekking weather. The wildflowers were in full bloom. The hike was a gradual uphill with a series of switch backs. Rounding corner after corner until we finally made it to the mountain's saddle and our first view of Catherine lake. Wow. Deciding to extend our hike slightly, we started up to Sunset Peak (10, 684 feet). This was a steeper incline and I was wondering if I could make the trek. I am so glad that I pushed up the mountain, as the views were amazing - we could see all of the valleys and the cascading lakes. It was worth the extra time and climb to see the world from this vantage point.

Going down through the lakes and making our decent into Big Cottonwood Canyon was wonderful. A cool mountain breeze and wildflowers as far as the eye could see. How thankful I am to have the health and strength to enjoy the wonders of this beautiful world that our Heavenly Father has created.

Am I The Right Height For This?

There is a common sign in most theme parks that clearly states at the beginning of each ride: "You must be this tall to ride the ride." I remember when I was younger, so much younger, waiting for the day that I would be the right height for any ride in any theme park. Well that day did come and now I am going to change that common phrase up a bit and ask: "Is this ride the appropriate height for me?"

The other day Dean and I had the opportunity to go to Lagoon - our local theme park. It brought back many nostalgic memories of our younger years of the rides that we had to be brave or daring to ride as well as the old traditional standby rides like the bumper cars or the merry-go-round. As we were discussing the "Big White Roller Coaster" and the Jet Star we felt like we should take the opportunity to brave those rides once again. Well let me just say - one go on the Jet Star and that really twisted my equilibrium around. Dean felt the same way. But we had to take on the "Big White Roller Coaster" or at least we felt we could handle it. One ride on that rickety thing and we were both out of commission for the rest of the night.

What happened to the days that we could go on the fast, crazy and popular rides over and over without getting our stomachs tied in knots? I remember taking pride in riding the Jet Star enough times that I would lose count on two hands as well as other big and fast coasters. Not now. Now am the parent who takes it easy, does some people watching and a nice mellow go around on the terror ride. Our children on the other hand were in heaven taking on the new and crazy coasters of today, the Spider or Wicked or Samurai over and over until they had had their fill of this insanity. So now I ask: Am I too old to ride these crazy rides? Does age take this kind of fun away? Or does the level of fun change with age? I must say it was rather fun for me to enjoy the theme park from a new perspective - that of my children. Watching them have fun and begging to stay until the park closed. That was fun.

Dean and I did have fun - we did all of the things that we never did when we were younger and you know what - I had a wonderful time. I am learning to enjoy the subtle changes that come with age. But sometimes there are changes I never expected to come like losing the ability to ride amusement park rides. So now instead of asking if I am the appropriate height for a ride, I ask myself is this ride the appropriate height for me?

I'm Not Perfect!

So it has been a while since I have posted on my blog. I am not sure if it is writer's block or just being very busy.

First of all - I need to thank Connie Cook from Picture Yourself Photography for our awesome family pictures at the top of the blog. We had such a wonderful time during the photo shoot. What has normally been a painful process for our family turned out to be one of our best days. We just had fun. Thank you Connie!

Second, I have been asked a lot lately where I am at on the "39 Things" list. Well here is a quick update. I have now completed 11 of the 39 items. The latest "thing" that I logged on the list was to complete a triathlon. On May 22, 2010, I completed the Woman of Steel Triathlon. The morning was very cold and rainy. Because the temperature was 39 degrees the swim portion was cancelled and the race was now a run-bike-run. Swimming is my stronger event - so I was a little disappointed but overall things went well for my first TRI effort. I was so nervous and the stress level was bringing me to tears. Dean was my cheerleader and spent the whole morning with me on the sidelines helping me all along the way! I survived and completed the race in 1 hour 50 minutes. A good start. I will participate in another "TRI" with Dean in September.

The "sugar" goal - well what can I say - the truth. I was doing really well but after about 3 weeks I slipped back into some old habits. I know I felt better, slept better and overall everything seemed better - so now I am trying again to see if I can go 39 days without sugar, gluten or dairy.

The "sugar" goal seems like one of the more challenging items on my list for me - but I ask myself why? It should be really easy. The other thing about not yet achieving this item is the way it makes me feel. I almost feel as if I have failed myself. And it is as if perfection on this item is definitely out of reach.

But why do I feel this need to be perfect? This is my list and who else really cares? So why do I feel the need to show to others the facade of perfection? And now that I think about it - perfection for me isn't just this one item, it isn't even the "39 Things" list, it is everyday life. I have a deep desire to prove to myself that I can do everything. I need to show that I can balance all that life has given me. I often feel that others judge me by my success and/or my failures. When in reality what it boils down to is simply me. I am not perfect. In fact I am very far from this thing called perfection and I hope that I never find it.

Harriet Braiker once said: "Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing."

Anna Quindlen said: "The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."

So today, I am going to stop striving for perfection and start focusing on becoming myself. Being the best that I can be for me, my husband and my family. The people that mean the most to me, need me to be at my best - not perfect - but at my best. So as I continue to work on the "39 Things" list, my perspective has changed. I now ask myself, how can I develop myself? And how can that help me to support the ones that I love? Everything else is life - and that matters, but, it is the perspective that I approach life with - that is what I believe matters the most.

Confessions of a Sugar Addict!

Okay - this is true confessions time. I have one major downfall in life - sugar. I am a sugar addict. But here's the thing, not just sugar in any size, shape or form - I am a picky sugar eater. I can pass on the cake, doughnuts and pastries. I can even pass on most candy bars. But when I need sugar, I go straight for the cookies, Wint-O-Green Lifesavers or really good dark chocolate like Amano Chocolate bars. Let me just clarify, on the cookies, it's not just any cookie - it needs to be the kind that are homemade or like homemade. For example, sugar cookies with frosting, a good chocolate chip cookie with a slightly crunchy outside but nice soft slight gooey inside. Just thinking about it makes me smile and makes me want to indulge in my craving.

Why this obsession with sugar? Well because I have made the conscious choice to cut sugar, gluten and dairy out of my life for 39 days starting today April 14, 2010. Gluten and dairy I am not really worried about, but sugar - well what can I say - I have a sweet tooth. So I have made a logical compromise instead of going cold turkey, I have decided to cut refined sugar out - that means that I am going to allow honey in moderation, agave in moderation and stevia.

I have asked myself over and over, can I really do this 39 day sugar free project? Well since I am being honest - the answer is I don't know. When I get stressed, bored or even just because I finished a meal I go straight for the sweet treat. I don't know how to describe how a good piece of chocolate can relieve stress but it just does in some magical way. Or how biting into a really good frosted sugar cookie can almost seem nostalgic as memories of special occasions or Santa Claus and the holidays flood my mind. Can I give up that comfort that food can sometimes bring - again the answer is simply I don't know?

I have read study after study that describes to me that if I give up sugar, I will sleep better, think better, my body will function better and a large list of other "betters" that can happen all from giving up sugar. So now I will choose to put the research to the test for myself - what can giving up sugar do for me? I don't know - well at least not yet.

I have logged my starting weight, biking times, running / walking times and also sleep schedule. Over the next 39 days I will test these studies that I have read and see if my body and soul show any marked improvement. Only time will tell...

One Brushstroke at a Time

Today is Easter Sunday and it was also the 180th Annual Session of General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. As I had time to reflect on the importance of this day and the chance to be with family, I have several thoughts rumbling around my soul as I have been working to find my place in the role of daughter, sister, aunt, wife and mother.
As I have written in previous blogs motherhood came very suddenly in my life. Whereas a majority of mothers get to start their motherhood careers adjusting to a child even before they are born, I have not had that same opportunity. Motherhood started with teenagers - a unique gift for me. I find myself being stretched and tested in so many ways. And some days it just feels as if I am the "Taxi Mom" trying to find that balance of getting everyone every place they need to be and still be able to get dinner on the table at a reasonable hour. I feel very inadequate and often wonder if I am doing any good at all.
Last Sunday, I had the opportunity to teach the Relief Society lesson on President Henry B. Eyring's October 2009 conference talk Our Perfect Example. In that talk he refers to the children's Primary song, I Am Trying to Be Like Jesus, in preparing for that lesson, I decided to have my nephew come and sing that song to the ladies.
The Saturday before my lesson was a crazy day. We had a race, family yard cleaning, soccer, grocery shopping, Young Women's Conference and on top of that I needed to practice this song with my nephew. Where was I going to find time? As I ran from place to place, the song practice was next on the list. When I got there, my nephew had practiced the wrong song so we started learning and practicing the new song from scratch. He and I sat side by side and went over the words - with each practice the words sank into my head and my heart and gave me a the reality check that I needed for the rest of the day.

Sunday morning and we are all at church. I take my nephew (C) to Primary and I go to Sunday School. I am starting to get nervous, what if the song doesn't work, what if the words are forgotten and there are many more what ifs that I continue to worry about. I go and pick C up from Primary and when he sees me, he comes out the door, puts his arms around me and whispers in my ear "Oh Aunt Joelle - I love you." Suddenly nothing else in the world mattered, just that little boy and his unconditional love for me - the most inadequate and imperfect person in the world. C and I sang the song together. I was told that it went well but in my heart nothing mattered more at that moment than that little person and what he taught to me. The words of the song told me everything that I need to worry about to be the best that I can be for me and all of my family. Here are the words:

• I'm trying to be like Jesus, I'm following in his ways
• I'm trying to love as he did in all that I do and say.
• At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice,
• But I try to listen as the still small voice whispers,
• "Love on another as Jesus loves you. Try to show kindness in all that you do. Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought, for these are the things Jesus taught."

When life gets crazy - sometimes it is the simplest things that I forget to do. It is remembering to try to be like Jesus (My Perfect Example) that will help me to find that day-to-day balance as I navigate through my new role as a parent.

In Elder David A. Bednar's October 2009 conference address More Diligent and Concerned at Home he states the following:

"...a painting** is a vast collection of individual brushstrokes - none of which in isolation is very interesting or impressive. In fact, if you stand close to the canvas, all you can see is a mass of seemingly unrelated and unattractive streaks of paint. However, as you gradually move away from the canvas, all of the individual brushstrokes combine together and produces a magnificent picture. Many ordinary, individual brushstrokes work together to create a captivating and beautiful painting...Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls."

So I guess I may never see my family's completed painting , but hopefully the brush strokes that I have the opportunity to add to the masterpiece of our home, through family activities, family study, bearing my testimony and teaching the importance of agency, will come together to make a beautiful portrait. Until then, I will just continue to have faith, hope and trust in my Heavenly Father that things will work out as they should in this life.

**Note: the painting is Sunday Afternoon on La Grande Jatte by George Seurat. He is a pointillist painter (the dots) I chose this painting in an effort to show the individual strokes that it takes to make the whole picture come together.

As Good as it Gets and Getting Better All of the Time!

I think I need to clarify a couple of things from my last blog - I still don't know if I will ever appreciate exercise, that hasn't changed - but I discussed my attempt to take 5 minutes off of my best half marathon time and the Canyonlands Half Marathon would be my first attempt in 2010.

Here is some history that may better explain my half marathon improvement attempt. Two years ago, Dean and I decided that we would train for and complete 3 half marathons a year. And so far we have maintained that goal for ourselves. For 2010, Dean wanted to participate in the Moab 1/2 in March, we always participate in the Salt Lake 1/2 in April and then we select a half marathon that takes place in the late summer or early fall. In training for the Moab run, my mentality has been that this will be my first half marathon of the season. My logical mind kept saying that this first run/walk coming out of winter probably wouldn't be the best so don't count on any big finishes or personal bests. I could provide several other excuses as to why this race wouldn't go well-training, injuries etc. My head and my spirit just didn't feel in the game.

But, I set a goal, number 15 on my list of 39 things to do this year, to take 5 minutes off of my best half marathon time. That means that I needed to obtain a finish time of 2 hours 35 minutes and 27 seconds in order to hit my target. With the Moab trek, I kept trying to convince myself not to push it. And now, the day before the race I am getting extremely anxious. I know I have three tries but my heart panics - have I set a goal I can't obtain? Is this too much? This goal may be too lofty this year - should I change my goal list and give number 15 on the list up until 2011? I don't want to change the list I am not ready to quit this early in the year. So instead, on Friday morning March 20, 2010, I turn into grumpy wife and grumpy mom. My husband and my children don't know what they did to set me off - nothing - but I can't explain the anxious emotion trapped inside of me. In my heart, I want so bad to obtain this goal but the logic of my mind says I am trying to do more that I am physically able to do. Basically the inner torment is now spilling to my outer world and none of us knows quite how to handle it.

Dean and I finally pack up Friday afternoon and head to Moab. First we went to do a session in the Monticello, Utah LDS Temple. This was a great way to end the day. As I was sitting in the quiet of the temple, my insides seemed to settle. My heart and mind aligned with one another and my soul agreed to just have fun and to do the best I could in this race. I have trained and done everything I was able to do to prepare for this March moment. Ready or not it's go time.

Early Saturday morning, Dean and I check into the race, and catch a bus up to the top of the canyon. It is a beautiful morning as the sun begins to rise over the red rock canyon and the rays of sunlight seem to dance on the Colorado River. It is cold but we have 2 hours to acclimate before the race is to begin.

Ten o'clock a.m. and the start gun sounds and we are off headed down the canyon. Mile 1 time comes in at 11 minutes and 40 seconds. Mile 2 close to the same. Dean and I use each other to maintain a steady pace. We have both agreed to try to keep a 12 minute per mile average. Mile 5 and we are ahead of schedule 56 minutes into this race - I can't believe it I have never had a pace like this. Mile 6 still ahead time, but my body now says you have jogged enough it is time to speed walk. So I carry on hoping that the time I have banked will hold through to the finish line. Dean and I press on and with each mile our pace slows just a bit. So now the mental game kicks in for me. I say to myself, it's okay Joelle, do the best you can, you have done your best in the first 6 miles and it shows. I keep telling myself to keep my head in the game. I continue to listen to the book on audio and push forward with Dean slowly jogging by my side.

The miles pass and Dean talks me through the last big hill. He was amazing talking me through one mental road block after another. Mile 11 we are out of the canyon before the "bus of shame" does its sweep. Mile 12 - we have both hit the proverbial wall but Dean starts to pick up the pace. I look at him, I look at my watch and say - "go honey, please do this for both of us I will see you at the finish." He moves on, I continue to jog a little and walk and jog and walk and try to stay close to Dean. I round the last corner, looking at my watch 2 hours 33 minutes and 50 seconds. The finish line is in view. I am too close to let time beat me. Deep within my heart, I push it and like nothing I have ever felt before my body is able to push itself to a new limit. I cross the line and I start to cry - my watch shows the unofficial time of 2 hours 35 minutes and 19 seconds. I DID IT - WE DID IT! Dean and I finished this race just 2 seconds apart in our best half marathon times so far.

My official time was 2 hours 35 minutes and 21 seconds. I am definitely not the quickest participant in the bunch - but I have learned that isn't what matters. I need to remember to be the best that I can be and enjoy each moment that life has to offer. This was a great life moment and I had my husband by my side all of the way. For me this is a good as it gets!

With all of this exciting energy in me I didn't want to sit still. Dean and I then went on to hike to the Delicate Arch. A lovely 3 mile trip for our two tired bodies. But again well worth it - as this was a first for Dean! Life is good!

Exercise - Will I Ever Appreciate It?

In December 2007, I was standing at the starting line of the Death Valley 1/2 marathon (my third 1/2 marathon). As my dear friend and I were shivering in the cold morning air of the desert, I overheard a waiting runner state with enthusiasm "I love exercise!" I then turned to my friend and said; "You know, I really, really want to love exercise but I don't. I guess I just don't have an appreciation for exercise at any level." I started that 1/2 marathon and it turned out to be my worst event so far. My friend was so patient with me as I struggled through the course getting more and more ill with every step. I finished the race 3 hours and 20 minutes later. It was the longest race of my exercise history. To this day I am still grateful I had my friend with me supporting me every step of the way.

Now, as I sit looking at my list of 39 things to complete during this year, I have a couple of items on the list that require me to be physically active in some way. In fact I have been working on item number 15 - "Taking 5 minutes off of my best 1/2 marathon time." I guess in some way, I really am trying to find a way to love and appreciate exercise. I know that exercise is so vital for the human body and spirit. I also know that because of my genetic make-up, that without exercise my body would wallow in weight gain. But for me, it is a personal struggle every time I put on my walking/running shoes to want to exercise. Once I am out the door, I always have a desire to finish what I start. My husband and my dog are my biggest cheerleaders pushing or pulling me (as the case may be) out the door and down the street in an effort to help me "love" exercise.

On Saturday, March 20, 2010 I will attempt my 10th half marathon. This time in Moab, Utah. Based on my up and down training schedule - I am just hoping to finish this race in a decent time. The last Moab 1/2 that I participated in, I completed the course in 2 hours and 47 minutes. My best 1/2 marathon time was in Salt Lake (2008) at 2 hours and 40 minutes. So in order for me to take 5 minutes off of my personal best time would mean that I need to complete a 1/2 marathon course in 2 hours and 35 minutes. But this training schedule has presented new challenges for me. I have had terrible shin splints, extreme blisters and no matter what I do I don't seem to have the endurance to run/jog just 30 seconds faster with each mile.

I have found a way to stop the blisters, I have new Superfeet insoles for my shoes and my husband and my dog wait ever so patiently as I trudge behind them running down the streets of my city in an effort to finish what I have started. I may never truly appreciate exercise - but I will keep doing it. I will keep doing it to have time with my husband. I will keep doing it in the hope that somehow I will be able to stay more active as I get older. I will keep exercising to keep up with my children and I will keep exercising for me to be the best that I can be for myself and my family.

Life Stories

It has been a while since I have posted on my blog and in some bizarre way I have missed writing all of the different learning experiences that I have had recently.

In previous blogs I have had the opportunity to share about the wonderful trip that Dean and I took to Chile and Antarctica. It was an experience that has impacted my life - the people and the place changed me and helped me to grow. It was as if we were meant to be there and return back to our home in the planned time frame. Because exactly two weeks to the day, Chile was struck by an 8.8 earthquake one of the biggest in the country's history. Following were multiple aftershocks, power outages and destruction. Dean and I are thankful to be home, but our hearts and prayers go out to the people who are living there in the country's upset environment. We are looking for ways to help even though we are so far away. We are using this experience to try to teach our family that we have the ability to help people even if we can't see them face to face. Our stories of being there, make Chile real for our children and we hopefully can share the importance of helping others as well.

The last few weeks have been full of different learning moments for each of us in our home. And things that happened to me in my distant past have returned in the form of stories for my children as we navigate through life together - taking the good and the bad and making it work in our family. In the book, Kitchen Table Wisdom Rachel Naomi Remen, MD shares this thought:

"We carry with us every story we have ever heard and every story we have ever lived, filed away at some deep place in our memory. We carry most of those stories unread, as it were, until we have grown the capacity of the readiness to read them. When that happens they may come back to us filled with a previously unsuspected meaning. It is almost as if we have been collecting pieces of a greater wisdom, sometimes over many years without knowing."

I never dreamed that things that I had done when I was younger - my stories - would be so significant at this point in my life. But I find that when we encounter bumps in the road at our home, it is the stories that we share that tie us together. Yes, I share my imperfections with my children - I filter them but I share them. That is tough for me because I don't want them to see all that I have done wrong but I do need them to see that I am human and that I have been a teenager too. Sure it doesn't make every situation better but somehow it seems to help them see that I have walked in similar steps and that through our mistakes we can learn and grow.

Dr. Remen goes on to say; "One of the blessings of growing older is the discovery that many of the things I once believed to be my shortcomings have turned out in the long run to be my strengths, and other things of which I was unduly proud have revealed themselves in the end to be among my shortcomings. Things that I have hidden from others for years turn out to be the anchor and enrichment of my middle age. What a blessing it is to outlive your self-judgments and harvest your failures."

How grateful I am for my life experiences, my failures and my successes. Those are the things that have shaped that person that I am and those are the things that will help me to mold the person that I am to become. I just hope in some small way I can help my children to grasp their life moments, good and bad, and to glean all that they can from them in an effort to shape and structure their future and posterity to come.