The Journey Forward

Today brought new thoughts and feelings as the next steps in this process of trying to create and build onto our family begin.  Hope and patience will be essential.  There is a lot to do and my blogs will follow explaining the task before me.  But there is a conference talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf that keeps coming to the forefront of my mind.  It always lifts me up when the road before me seems so long.  Courage undaunted - the journey of being 40 moves forward.

One Brushstroke at a Time

Today is Easter Sunday and it was also the 180th Annual Session of General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. As I had time to reflect on the importance of this day and the chance to be with family, I have several thoughts rumbling around my soul as I have been working to find my place in the role of daughter, sister, aunt, wife and mother.
As I have written in previous blogs motherhood came very suddenly in my life. Whereas a majority of mothers get to start their motherhood careers adjusting to a child even before they are born, I have not had that same opportunity. Motherhood started with teenagers - a unique gift for me. I find myself being stretched and tested in so many ways. And some days it just feels as if I am the "Taxi Mom" trying to find that balance of getting everyone every place they need to be and still be able to get dinner on the table at a reasonable hour. I feel very inadequate and often wonder if I am doing any good at all.
Last Sunday, I had the opportunity to teach the Relief Society lesson on President Henry B. Eyring's October 2009 conference talk Our Perfect Example. In that talk he refers to the children's Primary song, I Am Trying to Be Like Jesus, in preparing for that lesson, I decided to have my nephew come and sing that song to the ladies.
The Saturday before my lesson was a crazy day. We had a race, family yard cleaning, soccer, grocery shopping, Young Women's Conference and on top of that I needed to practice this song with my nephew. Where was I going to find time? As I ran from place to place, the song practice was next on the list. When I got there, my nephew had practiced the wrong song so we started learning and practicing the new song from scratch. He and I sat side by side and went over the words - with each practice the words sank into my head and my heart and gave me a the reality check that I needed for the rest of the day.

Sunday morning and we are all at church. I take my nephew (C) to Primary and I go to Sunday School. I am starting to get nervous, what if the song doesn't work, what if the words are forgotten and there are many more what ifs that I continue to worry about. I go and pick C up from Primary and when he sees me, he comes out the door, puts his arms around me and whispers in my ear "Oh Aunt Joelle - I love you." Suddenly nothing else in the world mattered, just that little boy and his unconditional love for me - the most inadequate and imperfect person in the world. C and I sang the song together. I was told that it went well but in my heart nothing mattered more at that moment than that little person and what he taught to me. The words of the song told me everything that I need to worry about to be the best that I can be for me and all of my family. Here are the words:

• I'm trying to be like Jesus, I'm following in his ways
• I'm trying to love as he did in all that I do and say.
• At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice,
• But I try to listen as the still small voice whispers,
• "Love on another as Jesus loves you. Try to show kindness in all that you do. Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought, for these are the things Jesus taught."

When life gets crazy - sometimes it is the simplest things that I forget to do. It is remembering to try to be like Jesus (My Perfect Example) that will help me to find that day-to-day balance as I navigate through my new role as a parent.

In Elder David A. Bednar's October 2009 conference address More Diligent and Concerned at Home he states the following:

"...a painting** is a vast collection of individual brushstrokes - none of which in isolation is very interesting or impressive. In fact, if you stand close to the canvas, all you can see is a mass of seemingly unrelated and unattractive streaks of paint. However, as you gradually move away from the canvas, all of the individual brushstrokes combine together and produces a magnificent picture. Many ordinary, individual brushstrokes work together to create a captivating and beautiful painting...Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls."

So I guess I may never see my family's completed painting , but hopefully the brush strokes that I have the opportunity to add to the masterpiece of our home, through family activities, family study, bearing my testimony and teaching the importance of agency, will come together to make a beautiful portrait. Until then, I will just continue to have faith, hope and trust in my Heavenly Father that things will work out as they should in this life.

**Note: the painting is Sunday Afternoon on La Grande Jatte by George Seurat. He is a pointillist painter (the dots) I chose this painting in an effort to show the individual strokes that it takes to make the whole picture come together.

Chile - The Last Day (and the cherry on top)

"Make voyages! Attempt them! there's nothing else" ~~Tennessee Williams

I think that life has provided me with the opportunity to travel and see so many wonderful and unique places around the world. And every place that I have been and the people that I have met have left a lasting impression on my heart and soul in some way. I have been asked what is my favorite place to visit - I can't really answer that because each place has given me something special that has added to or changed my life. This trip to Chile and Antarctica has been absolutely amazing but not quite in the way I expected. Our last day in Chile was what I would call the "cherry on top" bringing our trip to a close.

After Antarctica, we made it back to Santiago at about 1:30am on Saturday, February 13, 2010. After arriving at the bed and breakfast, Dean and I literally fell into bed. We were up again at 6:00am in order to get ready to attend the LDS Temple in Santiago. What a beautiful temple and a lovely morning.

As I have stated in earlier blogs, Dean served a 2-year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Santiago 30 years ago. With the help of our friends - Dean made contact with a gentleman that he had baptized - Armin. Armin was 14 when Dean last saw him - that was 29 years ago. Because the means to communicate and keep in contact with people were not as easy as it is now - it was really just a miracle to find Armin. We met Armin Saturday afternoon at the temple. Armin didn't speak English and Dean's Spanish had improved slightly during the week to the point that he could understand the language but his ability to speak Spanish was still rusty. Somehow these two men were able to communicate. We had lunch together and talked about families, the gospel and the long and short of the last 30 years. Armin has 3 children (2 close to the age of our children). He is in the Stake Young Men's presidency. It was the perfect end to our trip in Chile. As we departed company, these two men hugged and agreed to stay in contact. As Dean and I talked about this experience - I could see that he was truly touched. It made his heart happy and renewed his spirit to see that his service in the gospel had been so beneficial to someone else's life. And in return to see that Armin has grown in the gospel passing this service and work forward to many others. It was wonderful to me to see the joy that this meeting brought to my husband and that made this trip priceless!

Returning home was another adventure as our flight had been cancelled due to weather. Again, we were so blessed. An LDS missionary was on his way home to the same location and with the help of his translation services, we were able to get a flight home - just a few hours later than our original time to destination. That was a miracle since the airline told me it would be 4 days before I could leave Santiago due to weather and cancellations.

Dean and I have been so grateful for the opportunity we had to visit Chile and Antarctica. We are especially grateful for the people we have met and friendships we rekindled while we were in this wonderful country.

"My life will never be the same having seen the sun shine on the other side of the world!" ~ Joelle