A New Perspective

So after the appearance of the single pink line.  I decided to change my perspective.  A focus on my inner self.  Something inside of me didn't feel right and what my physicians had to offer didn't feel like the right direction either.  So my friend recommended a Bio-Kinetic Herbalist.  Someone who she had never met but only heard wonderful things about.  So after much hesitation I called left my name and number and waited and waited and waited.  Six weeks to be exact.  So when I finally got an appointment, I almost cancelled - worry.  Dean said to just go and see.  So I went and WOW can I just say AMAZING.  Tisha identified several things some I knew about others I didn't.  She suggested the right combination of herbs and WOW - I feel GREAT.  Dean and I took some before and after shots of a persistent type of eczema on my hand.  Well it is not quite healed after two week but there is improvement.  I will follow up with more detail in my next post!  Thanks to Melissa and thanks to Tisha!

Oh how I DISLIKE that single pink line...

Oh how I do not like that single pink line!

Not a lot to say today - simply just that I feel like a crazy woman.  I had hoped so much that after a successful HSG test - that process would help boost the odds of getting pregnant.  I even thought I might be pregnant.  Well I ran the First Response Pregnancy Test on day 27 and oh how I despise that single pink line.  Well day 28 has arrived and it has been confirmed - that test is truly 99% accurate as the box states and the single pink line wins.  Wanting to have a baby and trying to have a baby have become a very difficult and maddening process.  Yes I realize we truly started trying to get pregnant the day we got married but it was about 6 months ago that we actually pulled science into the mix.  I thought, well actually had hoped, that this process would be a little easier than expected.  But NO I truly don't do anything really easy in life and getting pregnant is no exception.

Deep sigh - tomorrow is another day and forward with faith we go.  Maybe just maybe someday we will be able to add another person into our family.  DEEP SIGH....

Waiting is so tough for someone with so little patience...

"Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods." ~~C.S. Lewis~~

In my last blog, I discussed the next procedure in line for me on my journey this year to conceive a child - the HSG.  August 19, 2011 came and Dean took me to the hospital for a procedure that I thought I should cancel at least 5 times.  I just felt like the result would show that my tubes were blocked and that would be the end of trying.  I was afraid and in tears.  I was at my limit with stress and my emotions were up and down like a roller coaster.  I went in for the procedure and it took a bit longer than expected.  The technologist brought Dean back to go over the pictures from the X-Ray.  There was no blockage!  I couldn't believe it - just another miracle in my life.  Dean just held me and I sobbed with relief.   He said "See you need to have faith."

I went home that morning and called my acupuncturist and scheduled my next appointment.  Dean and I decided to move forward with strength doing what we feel is right for our home and family.  I started mapping again and my Clear Blue Easy test came back on day 14 with the smiley face.  All systems go...now I wait.  Oh my there are 31 days in this pattern and they seem to be crawling along ever so slowly.  Are the twinges of pain I feel anything?   How about the occasional cramps and queasy stomach?  How about the irregular fatigue that hits in the late afternoon?  Are these just my mind or is it real?  The mind is so powerful and my heart wants so desperately to have my body understand how to make this work I wonder if I am just making this up?  Sometimes I just don't know what to feel.  And it is just a bit too soon for a home pregnancy test - this I know.  I wish there was a way to tell - I know what I feel in my heart but I have to wait for modern science and my body to confirm.

One other thing I have recently learned, I had no idea I could go online and take quiz after quiz to determine if what I am feeling is the early signs of pregnancy.  They all say the same thing - maybe.  So maybe just maybe - I wait 26 days into this cycle wondering if this will be the month.  But if not - we move forward - I move forward trying to best understand Heavenly Father's will for me and our family.  Courage and faith I wait.