I have been thinking a lot lately about motherhood. Being a mother happened very suddenly in my life and for the last year and a half I have learned a lot. However, that hasn't even scratched the surface of what parental learning experiences I know are quietly waiting out in the wings ever so patiently for me to be prepared so that they may enter my life puzzle at just the right moment.
First of all let me say love is an amazing thing. And it wasn't until I got married and added more family into my life, that I realized how truly strong this emotion can be for me. Here is a story that might explain it better. In 2004, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. During the laproscopic surgery, the doctor identified that I had a very severe case. I was told that unless I went on a somewhat experimental drug, that I probably would never have children. Well I researched, studied, fasted and prayed and determined that drug was not right for my life. I felt, and still feel, that I needed to do what would work for me in order to maintain my health. I decided that if I wouldn't be able to give birth to children that I would be as healthy as I could in order to care for the children who may surround my life. I was single then, I only had one nephew and I had come to terms with my health and the decision I felt was right for my life. I guess if I had to, I could live with the fact that I may never have children of my own. So I pressed forward and really health wise I have been doing so well. It has been 5 years and I feel healthier than before the surgery.
However, now that I am married, love has taken on a new dimension for me. I now am a mother (or substitute mother) for three teenagers. Yes that's right - out of the frying pan and into the fire as some would say. Our children are 17, 14, and 13. Their mother was sick for a very long time and has since passed away. I am here to pick up where she left off. Dean and I have worked very hard to make sure the children see life continue not end and start over. So we have left all of the pictures on the walls in our home and we are slowly adding our new pictures - it is a process of building. I love my husband so much and that love seems to spill over to my children. There are times that parenting is so challenging that I don't know how we are going to make it one more day. But that crazy, strong and ever enduring emotion of love seems to carry us through. It amazes me.
However, being married has added another dimension of love that I didn't even know existed - wow. I often wish that my circumstances were different, that my health would cooperate and that I would be able to give birth to a little piece of me and little piece of Dean. That amazing bond of love and that desire to carry it forward oftentimes feels so powerful. I know that desired part of my life probably will never come to pass - or at least in the way I thought piece should fit into my puzzle. So now I take the "new" piece I have been gifted with and fit it into it's place in my life.
I love my family all of them, my husband, my children, my parents, brothers, sisters and yes the newly added amazing trio (ages 5, 3, and 1). I even love the dog and yes that cat (that doesn't mean he can come into my room - but I will still feed him treats when nobody is looking).
First of all let me say love is an amazing thing. And it wasn't until I got married and added more family into my life, that I realized how truly strong this emotion can be for me. Here is a story that might explain it better. In 2004, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. During the laproscopic surgery, the doctor identified that I had a very severe case. I was told that unless I went on a somewhat experimental drug, that I probably would never have children. Well I researched, studied, fasted and prayed and determined that drug was not right for my life. I felt, and still feel, that I needed to do what would work for me in order to maintain my health. I decided that if I wouldn't be able to give birth to children that I would be as healthy as I could in order to care for the children who may surround my life. I was single then, I only had one nephew and I had come to terms with my health and the decision I felt was right for my life. I guess if I had to, I could live with the fact that I may never have children of my own. So I pressed forward and really health wise I have been doing so well. It has been 5 years and I feel healthier than before the surgery.
However, now that I am married, love has taken on a new dimension for me. I now am a mother (or substitute mother) for three teenagers. Yes that's right - out of the frying pan and into the fire as some would say. Our children are 17, 14, and 13. Their mother was sick for a very long time and has since passed away. I am here to pick up where she left off. Dean and I have worked very hard to make sure the children see life continue not end and start over. So we have left all of the pictures on the walls in our home and we are slowly adding our new pictures - it is a process of building. I love my husband so much and that love seems to spill over to my children. There are times that parenting is so challenging that I don't know how we are going to make it one more day. But that crazy, strong and ever enduring emotion of love seems to carry us through. It amazes me.
However, being married has added another dimension of love that I didn't even know existed - wow. I often wish that my circumstances were different, that my health would cooperate and that I would be able to give birth to a little piece of me and little piece of Dean. That amazing bond of love and that desire to carry it forward oftentimes feels so powerful. I know that desired part of my life probably will never come to pass - or at least in the way I thought piece should fit into my puzzle. So now I take the "new" piece I have been gifted with and fit it into it's place in my life.
I love my family all of them, my husband, my children, my parents, brothers, sisters and yes the newly added amazing trio (ages 5, 3, and 1). I even love the dog and yes that cat (that doesn't mean he can come into my room - but I will still feed him treats when nobody is looking).
No comments:
Post a Comment