Confessions of a Sugar Addict!

Okay - this is true confessions time. I have one major downfall in life - sugar. I am a sugar addict. But here's the thing, not just sugar in any size, shape or form - I am a picky sugar eater. I can pass on the cake, doughnuts and pastries. I can even pass on most candy bars. But when I need sugar, I go straight for the cookies, Wint-O-Green Lifesavers or really good dark chocolate like Amano Chocolate bars. Let me just clarify, on the cookies, it's not just any cookie - it needs to be the kind that are homemade or like homemade. For example, sugar cookies with frosting, a good chocolate chip cookie with a slightly crunchy outside but nice soft slight gooey inside. Just thinking about it makes me smile and makes me want to indulge in my craving.

Why this obsession with sugar? Well because I have made the conscious choice to cut sugar, gluten and dairy out of my life for 39 days starting today April 14, 2010. Gluten and dairy I am not really worried about, but sugar - well what can I say - I have a sweet tooth. So I have made a logical compromise instead of going cold turkey, I have decided to cut refined sugar out - that means that I am going to allow honey in moderation, agave in moderation and stevia.

I have asked myself over and over, can I really do this 39 day sugar free project? Well since I am being honest - the answer is I don't know. When I get stressed, bored or even just because I finished a meal I go straight for the sweet treat. I don't know how to describe how a good piece of chocolate can relieve stress but it just does in some magical way. Or how biting into a really good frosted sugar cookie can almost seem nostalgic as memories of special occasions or Santa Claus and the holidays flood my mind. Can I give up that comfort that food can sometimes bring - again the answer is simply I don't know?

I have read study after study that describes to me that if I give up sugar, I will sleep better, think better, my body will function better and a large list of other "betters" that can happen all from giving up sugar. So now I will choose to put the research to the test for myself - what can giving up sugar do for me? I don't know - well at least not yet.

I have logged my starting weight, biking times, running / walking times and also sleep schedule. Over the next 39 days I will test these studies that I have read and see if my body and soul show any marked improvement. Only time will tell...

One Brushstroke at a Time

Today is Easter Sunday and it was also the 180th Annual Session of General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. As I had time to reflect on the importance of this day and the chance to be with family, I have several thoughts rumbling around my soul as I have been working to find my place in the role of daughter, sister, aunt, wife and mother.
As I have written in previous blogs motherhood came very suddenly in my life. Whereas a majority of mothers get to start their motherhood careers adjusting to a child even before they are born, I have not had that same opportunity. Motherhood started with teenagers - a unique gift for me. I find myself being stretched and tested in so many ways. And some days it just feels as if I am the "Taxi Mom" trying to find that balance of getting everyone every place they need to be and still be able to get dinner on the table at a reasonable hour. I feel very inadequate and often wonder if I am doing any good at all.
Last Sunday, I had the opportunity to teach the Relief Society lesson on President Henry B. Eyring's October 2009 conference talk Our Perfect Example. In that talk he refers to the children's Primary song, I Am Trying to Be Like Jesus, in preparing for that lesson, I decided to have my nephew come and sing that song to the ladies.
The Saturday before my lesson was a crazy day. We had a race, family yard cleaning, soccer, grocery shopping, Young Women's Conference and on top of that I needed to practice this song with my nephew. Where was I going to find time? As I ran from place to place, the song practice was next on the list. When I got there, my nephew had practiced the wrong song so we started learning and practicing the new song from scratch. He and I sat side by side and went over the words - with each practice the words sank into my head and my heart and gave me a the reality check that I needed for the rest of the day.

Sunday morning and we are all at church. I take my nephew (C) to Primary and I go to Sunday School. I am starting to get nervous, what if the song doesn't work, what if the words are forgotten and there are many more what ifs that I continue to worry about. I go and pick C up from Primary and when he sees me, he comes out the door, puts his arms around me and whispers in my ear "Oh Aunt Joelle - I love you." Suddenly nothing else in the world mattered, just that little boy and his unconditional love for me - the most inadequate and imperfect person in the world. C and I sang the song together. I was told that it went well but in my heart nothing mattered more at that moment than that little person and what he taught to me. The words of the song told me everything that I need to worry about to be the best that I can be for me and all of my family. Here are the words:

• I'm trying to be like Jesus, I'm following in his ways
• I'm trying to love as he did in all that I do and say.
• At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice,
• But I try to listen as the still small voice whispers,
• "Love on another as Jesus loves you. Try to show kindness in all that you do. Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought, for these are the things Jesus taught."

When life gets crazy - sometimes it is the simplest things that I forget to do. It is remembering to try to be like Jesus (My Perfect Example) that will help me to find that day-to-day balance as I navigate through my new role as a parent.

In Elder David A. Bednar's October 2009 conference address More Diligent and Concerned at Home he states the following:

"...a painting** is a vast collection of individual brushstrokes - none of which in isolation is very interesting or impressive. In fact, if you stand close to the canvas, all you can see is a mass of seemingly unrelated and unattractive streaks of paint. However, as you gradually move away from the canvas, all of the individual brushstrokes combine together and produces a magnificent picture. Many ordinary, individual brushstrokes work together to create a captivating and beautiful painting...Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls."

So I guess I may never see my family's completed painting , but hopefully the brush strokes that I have the opportunity to add to the masterpiece of our home, through family activities, family study, bearing my testimony and teaching the importance of agency, will come together to make a beautiful portrait. Until then, I will just continue to have faith, hope and trust in my Heavenly Father that things will work out as they should in this life.

**Note: the painting is Sunday Afternoon on La Grande Jatte by George Seurat. He is a pointillist painter (the dots) I chose this painting in an effort to show the individual strokes that it takes to make the whole picture come together.