As Good as it Gets and Getting Better All of the Time!

I think I need to clarify a couple of things from my last blog - I still don't know if I will ever appreciate exercise, that hasn't changed - but I discussed my attempt to take 5 minutes off of my best half marathon time and the Canyonlands Half Marathon would be my first attempt in 2010.

Here is some history that may better explain my half marathon improvement attempt. Two years ago, Dean and I decided that we would train for and complete 3 half marathons a year. And so far we have maintained that goal for ourselves. For 2010, Dean wanted to participate in the Moab 1/2 in March, we always participate in the Salt Lake 1/2 in April and then we select a half marathon that takes place in the late summer or early fall. In training for the Moab run, my mentality has been that this will be my first half marathon of the season. My logical mind kept saying that this first run/walk coming out of winter probably wouldn't be the best so don't count on any big finishes or personal bests. I could provide several other excuses as to why this race wouldn't go well-training, injuries etc. My head and my spirit just didn't feel in the game.

But, I set a goal, number 15 on my list of 39 things to do this year, to take 5 minutes off of my best half marathon time. That means that I needed to obtain a finish time of 2 hours 35 minutes and 27 seconds in order to hit my target. With the Moab trek, I kept trying to convince myself not to push it. And now, the day before the race I am getting extremely anxious. I know I have three tries but my heart panics - have I set a goal I can't obtain? Is this too much? This goal may be too lofty this year - should I change my goal list and give number 15 on the list up until 2011? I don't want to change the list I am not ready to quit this early in the year. So instead, on Friday morning March 20, 2010, I turn into grumpy wife and grumpy mom. My husband and my children don't know what they did to set me off - nothing - but I can't explain the anxious emotion trapped inside of me. In my heart, I want so bad to obtain this goal but the logic of my mind says I am trying to do more that I am physically able to do. Basically the inner torment is now spilling to my outer world and none of us knows quite how to handle it.

Dean and I finally pack up Friday afternoon and head to Moab. First we went to do a session in the Monticello, Utah LDS Temple. This was a great way to end the day. As I was sitting in the quiet of the temple, my insides seemed to settle. My heart and mind aligned with one another and my soul agreed to just have fun and to do the best I could in this race. I have trained and done everything I was able to do to prepare for this March moment. Ready or not it's go time.

Early Saturday morning, Dean and I check into the race, and catch a bus up to the top of the canyon. It is a beautiful morning as the sun begins to rise over the red rock canyon and the rays of sunlight seem to dance on the Colorado River. It is cold but we have 2 hours to acclimate before the race is to begin.

Ten o'clock a.m. and the start gun sounds and we are off headed down the canyon. Mile 1 time comes in at 11 minutes and 40 seconds. Mile 2 close to the same. Dean and I use each other to maintain a steady pace. We have both agreed to try to keep a 12 minute per mile average. Mile 5 and we are ahead of schedule 56 minutes into this race - I can't believe it I have never had a pace like this. Mile 6 still ahead time, but my body now says you have jogged enough it is time to speed walk. So I carry on hoping that the time I have banked will hold through to the finish line. Dean and I press on and with each mile our pace slows just a bit. So now the mental game kicks in for me. I say to myself, it's okay Joelle, do the best you can, you have done your best in the first 6 miles and it shows. I keep telling myself to keep my head in the game. I continue to listen to the book on audio and push forward with Dean slowly jogging by my side.

The miles pass and Dean talks me through the last big hill. He was amazing talking me through one mental road block after another. Mile 11 we are out of the canyon before the "bus of shame" does its sweep. Mile 12 - we have both hit the proverbial wall but Dean starts to pick up the pace. I look at him, I look at my watch and say - "go honey, please do this for both of us I will see you at the finish." He moves on, I continue to jog a little and walk and jog and walk and try to stay close to Dean. I round the last corner, looking at my watch 2 hours 33 minutes and 50 seconds. The finish line is in view. I am too close to let time beat me. Deep within my heart, I push it and like nothing I have ever felt before my body is able to push itself to a new limit. I cross the line and I start to cry - my watch shows the unofficial time of 2 hours 35 minutes and 19 seconds. I DID IT - WE DID IT! Dean and I finished this race just 2 seconds apart in our best half marathon times so far.

My official time was 2 hours 35 minutes and 21 seconds. I am definitely not the quickest participant in the bunch - but I have learned that isn't what matters. I need to remember to be the best that I can be and enjoy each moment that life has to offer. This was a great life moment and I had my husband by my side all of the way. For me this is a good as it gets!

With all of this exciting energy in me I didn't want to sit still. Dean and I then went on to hike to the Delicate Arch. A lovely 3 mile trip for our two tired bodies. But again well worth it - as this was a first for Dean! Life is good!

Exercise - Will I Ever Appreciate It?

In December 2007, I was standing at the starting line of the Death Valley 1/2 marathon (my third 1/2 marathon). As my dear friend and I were shivering in the cold morning air of the desert, I overheard a waiting runner state with enthusiasm "I love exercise!" I then turned to my friend and said; "You know, I really, really want to love exercise but I don't. I guess I just don't have an appreciation for exercise at any level." I started that 1/2 marathon and it turned out to be my worst event so far. My friend was so patient with me as I struggled through the course getting more and more ill with every step. I finished the race 3 hours and 20 minutes later. It was the longest race of my exercise history. To this day I am still grateful I had my friend with me supporting me every step of the way.

Now, as I sit looking at my list of 39 things to complete during this year, I have a couple of items on the list that require me to be physically active in some way. In fact I have been working on item number 15 - "Taking 5 minutes off of my best 1/2 marathon time." I guess in some way, I really am trying to find a way to love and appreciate exercise. I know that exercise is so vital for the human body and spirit. I also know that because of my genetic make-up, that without exercise my body would wallow in weight gain. But for me, it is a personal struggle every time I put on my walking/running shoes to want to exercise. Once I am out the door, I always have a desire to finish what I start. My husband and my dog are my biggest cheerleaders pushing or pulling me (as the case may be) out the door and down the street in an effort to help me "love" exercise.

On Saturday, March 20, 2010 I will attempt my 10th half marathon. This time in Moab, Utah. Based on my up and down training schedule - I am just hoping to finish this race in a decent time. The last Moab 1/2 that I participated in, I completed the course in 2 hours and 47 minutes. My best 1/2 marathon time was in Salt Lake (2008) at 2 hours and 40 minutes. So in order for me to take 5 minutes off of my personal best time would mean that I need to complete a 1/2 marathon course in 2 hours and 35 minutes. But this training schedule has presented new challenges for me. I have had terrible shin splints, extreme blisters and no matter what I do I don't seem to have the endurance to run/jog just 30 seconds faster with each mile.

I have found a way to stop the blisters, I have new Superfeet insoles for my shoes and my husband and my dog wait ever so patiently as I trudge behind them running down the streets of my city in an effort to finish what I have started. I may never truly appreciate exercise - but I will keep doing it. I will keep doing it to have time with my husband. I will keep doing it in the hope that somehow I will be able to stay more active as I get older. I will keep exercising to keep up with my children and I will keep exercising for me to be the best that I can be for myself and my family.

Life Stories

It has been a while since I have posted on my blog and in some bizarre way I have missed writing all of the different learning experiences that I have had recently.

In previous blogs I have had the opportunity to share about the wonderful trip that Dean and I took to Chile and Antarctica. It was an experience that has impacted my life - the people and the place changed me and helped me to grow. It was as if we were meant to be there and return back to our home in the planned time frame. Because exactly two weeks to the day, Chile was struck by an 8.8 earthquake one of the biggest in the country's history. Following were multiple aftershocks, power outages and destruction. Dean and I are thankful to be home, but our hearts and prayers go out to the people who are living there in the country's upset environment. We are looking for ways to help even though we are so far away. We are using this experience to try to teach our family that we have the ability to help people even if we can't see them face to face. Our stories of being there, make Chile real for our children and we hopefully can share the importance of helping others as well.

The last few weeks have been full of different learning moments for each of us in our home. And things that happened to me in my distant past have returned in the form of stories for my children as we navigate through life together - taking the good and the bad and making it work in our family. In the book, Kitchen Table Wisdom Rachel Naomi Remen, MD shares this thought:

"We carry with us every story we have ever heard and every story we have ever lived, filed away at some deep place in our memory. We carry most of those stories unread, as it were, until we have grown the capacity of the readiness to read them. When that happens they may come back to us filled with a previously unsuspected meaning. It is almost as if we have been collecting pieces of a greater wisdom, sometimes over many years without knowing."

I never dreamed that things that I had done when I was younger - my stories - would be so significant at this point in my life. But I find that when we encounter bumps in the road at our home, it is the stories that we share that tie us together. Yes, I share my imperfections with my children - I filter them but I share them. That is tough for me because I don't want them to see all that I have done wrong but I do need them to see that I am human and that I have been a teenager too. Sure it doesn't make every situation better but somehow it seems to help them see that I have walked in similar steps and that through our mistakes we can learn and grow.

Dr. Remen goes on to say; "One of the blessings of growing older is the discovery that many of the things I once believed to be my shortcomings have turned out in the long run to be my strengths, and other things of which I was unduly proud have revealed themselves in the end to be among my shortcomings. Things that I have hidden from others for years turn out to be the anchor and enrichment of my middle age. What a blessing it is to outlive your self-judgments and harvest your failures."

How grateful I am for my life experiences, my failures and my successes. Those are the things that have shaped that person that I am and those are the things that will help me to mold the person that I am to become. I just hope in some small way I can help my children to grasp their life moments, good and bad, and to glean all that they can from them in an effort to shape and structure their future and posterity to come.